Hold Up, What Just Happened?

I’m going to avoid a whole lot of unnecessary irrelevant drama that is a big underlying reason as to why all of this unfolded, but the summary that is relevant and all-in-all inclusive to bring all of that unneeded extra “Meh.” to come to a head (random off-track side note, “come to a head” that always first provokes an immediate brief disgust in me as I imagine of course a ready to explode pimple, or lancing a boil, or just an overall image of pus at the surface of whatever it may be, ready to burst, gross gross disgusting anyone who isn’t the possessor of said puss…. I always think of specifically puss-related anything first– which, regardless of the intended image or what normal folks probably envision as it’s overly used in everyday convo and fancy super important national news type,… politicians, scientists, wealthy, intelligent, rich, poor, abundant, struggling, old, young, law, criminal, it doesn’t matter what story you have or who you are, it’s just known and used as a normal known phrase. I’m just the only weirdo who first thinks of a throbbing pimple before I can even hear or process what it is that was the relevant important info that I needed to absorb right before that everyday phrase completely robbed me yet again of hearing the information that was relevant.  It’s so appropriate,…but so gross, but perfect and fitting, but still will always be gross,… I can learn the actual intent and origin but no matter, I will forever envision surfaced puss most ready for exiting the body. Gross.)

Wow, and that just did exactly as I was saying I wasn’t doing intentionally, the whole reason for using the damn analogy only to contradict the point by doing exactly opposite of what the analogy symbolizes, and ironically enough, it was about the actual analogy itself.

OHMERGERRD,  I’m useless. LMAO.

Intentions unmet sometimes hold gifts we wouldn’t find if it weren’t for accidentally “messing up.”

ιɴтeɴтιoɴѕ = roαdѕιɢɴѕ poιɴтιɴɢ ιɴ α dιrecтιoɴ тнαт ιѕ plαɴɴed тo ғollow,
yeт α ѕιмple мιѕѕed тυrɴ
coмpleтely cнαɴɢeѕ to мιѕdιrecтιoɴ ιɴ тнe verвιαɢe,…

ɴoтнιɴɢ wαѕ “мιѕѕed” αѕ тнe joυrɴey ɴever wαѕ αвoυт тнe deѕтιɴαтιoɴ or ѕтαrт,

ɴor wαѕ ιт тнe roυтed ѕυɢɢeѕтed pαтн,

тнe joυrɴey ιтѕelғ нoldѕ тнe αcтυαl ιɴтeɴтιoɴ oғ ιт αll…

𝕪𝕠υ 𝕠ɴ𝕝𝕪 𝕕𝕚𝕕 ιт 𝕨𝕣𝕠ɴɢ ιғ 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕝𝕖𝕒𝕧𝕖 тнαт т𝕠 в𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕒𝕝𝕝 𝕤𝕠𝕝𝕦𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟. 𝕀𝕗 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕕𝕖𝕔𝕚𝕕𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕚𝕤𝕟’𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕗𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕝 𝕕𝕖𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟, 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕜𝕖𝕖𝕡 𝕕𝕣𝕚𝕧𝕚𝕟𝕘.

𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕠𝕟𝕝𝕪 𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕨𝕙𝕠 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨𝕤 𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥 “𝕝𝕠𝕤𝕥” 𝕚𝕤 𝕠𝕣 𝕚𝕤𝕟’𝕥, 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕚𝕗 𝕚𝕥’𝕤 𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥’𝕤 𝕝𝕖𝕗𝕥 𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕠𝕣 𝕚𝕗 𝕚𝕥’𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕗𝕚𝕣𝕤𝕥 𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕣𝕥?

𝕐𝕠𝕦’𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕟𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕘𝕒𝕥𝕠𝕣 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕕𝕖𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕞𝕚𝕟𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕣𝕤𝕖, 𝕕𝕖𝕥𝕠𝕦𝕣𝕤, 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕡𝕦𝕣𝕡𝕠𝕤𝕖 𝕠𝕣 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕓𝕖𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕕 𝕖𝕒𝕔𝕙.

“Sσɱεƭเɱεร ყσµ ƒเɳ∂ ყσµ૨รεℓƒ
เɳ ƭɦε Mเ∂∂ℓε σƒ Nσωɦε૨ε.
Iɳ ƭɦε ɱเ∂∂ℓε σƒ ɳσωɦε૨ε,
Yσµ Fเɳ∂ Yσµ૨รεℓƒ.”

And I find myself exactly where I was intended to be, with an intro that I had no warning for but embrace it, nonetheless.

Irony in its best form… hidden all about in little fun awkward nooks and crannies of whatever that blob of words is hovering above this sentence…
Whatever it is, is exactly what is shall be. I have no plan or desire to go back and read or really care what I said because I need no reason to justify or distract…. I own my shit.  And I just let a bomb explode words all over the top of this entry, they land as they fall and BOOM— Art, my friends. ENjOY. 🙂


I wanted to share merely that I was persuaded by a life-time friend of mine who so kindly answered the phone when I called to unexpectedly have so much poured out all over her space, She had no preparation and a seemingly innocent call left me pouring my spilling soup through to her end. Still, she could’ve left it all pouring over and out into a further mess for me to clean (after all, I created it and invaded her space with my own mess without invitation), but she did not. Instead she grabbed various containers and caught the important portions, containing and labeling them for me, all the while. By the end of it all, she was able to hand me back a container of soup. Just one.  That was all I needed for now.


Bonnie has always balanced me in that way, I can be drowning, literally can’t figure out how to keep my head above the surface, and I see and feel water pounding me from every direction and can’t see a way out…

And she is able to watch me drowning and stops me before my demise by pointing out an obvious life raft — a buoyancy of some sort that was there but barely beneath the surface, available. but inaccessible to someone who doesn’t know it exists.  She shows me what I cannot see and pushes me without any choice to follow-through and follow-up.

Every time I do what I promise, and it’s simple, easy, and I find such gratitude today in this balance we seem to have. Not so long ago I found shame and frustration instead, making it about me and why I was so stupid that I couldn’t do what she could so easily. I would beat myself up and get so angry at myself for even “bothering her” because I stressed and dumped all this mega issue and she snaps her fingers and has the answer.  HOW DOES SHE DO IT?!

She’s always been incredible at planning, solution-focused, research, everything that entails finding the answer to whatever is proactive and necessary…. Bonnie has organizational skills naturally,… she’s good at order and a task ticker.

I, on the other hand, almost failed a college course because we had to organize a very thick particular binder filled with labeled attachments, indexes, guides, tabs, everything specifically labeled in it’s exact spot and can be looked up and then found- Just. Like. That. It HAD TO BE the exact way the instructor had us do it.

Mine was exact, …everything in it’s place.  Great at following-directions and sorting everything as you asked… I almost failed because I couldn’t find what I was asked to, and my professor pressured and made me feel like the smallest ant that should be stepped on for getting in the way, a nuisance, taking up unnecessary time that she wasn’t willing or eager to spare.  She even asked me if I thought I chose the right field of study… I felt so hurt… especially seeing as how I was about a semester (possibly 2) away from obtaining my degree.  Thanks for believing in me. I obviously never forgot that wonderful experience…

Awful. Awful experience…at the time at least….

I am grateful for it in retrospect as I realized a lot through it.

I am not hardwired for “organization” in the same ways “normal people” would illustrate this in.  Tidy, in place, labeled, sorted, put away….

I can’t find shit. Still can’t, teacher-I-will-not-name. Just so you know, your lack of belief in me as a student and push for me to consider “dropping out” is not the greatest example for a young future-education major to see my own teacher, who is supposed to be being an example and showing me how to be a good teacher and teaching me as a future educator. I really didn’t think about that until much later, that here was this teacher pretty much telling me that just because I can’t do something one specific way that is her way that I can’t make it, might as well quit, and won’t be successful…. My favorite lesson and what I did carry along with me beyond that degree and into my next degree and career was the importance of understanding different treatment modalities and the reason including all learning styles is so pertinent… it’s not for checking ticks off of a state-regulated surprise inspection, but it is what determines WHO obtains and understands the lesson and grasps the information taught.

This I held onto and understood and utilize as the MOST IMPORTANT teaching tool because it made sense to me and helped me understand and relate way beyond what most might do. I still make it a point to include as many modalities possible when teaching or sharing important information…

I didn’t have just one learning style… still don’t.

I never understood growing up why my mother made it seem so easy and made me write and rewrite notes and do notecards, and write lists,… and I would because I had to… and I still couldn’t get it. It was more difficult and confusing, and she made it seem so easy and effortless… she would label, clean, organize, and easily locate whatever it was and tell me how much better I would feel and how much easier life would be, or studying, or finding things,…

It was a nightmare.

I now know and hold as valuable and necessary to be inclusive to all students, clients, or whoever you’re speaking to,… if you expect them all to take the information you present and understand it, you must put it into different styles, and every person has their specific learning style(s) that works well and best for them.

My mother, and that professor… they are very visual, visual learners. Reading, rereading, lists, highlighting, notecards, labels, organized in order,…. they can retain, recall, and sift through information well like that.
Auditory as a top learning style I’d choose my younger sister to be fairly good at this, she remembers visually probably as her best modality, but she can also hear something once… like a number, and be able to recall it, all of it…. and it’s memorized in her mind. For as long as she needs to hold it there.
Tactile…. that’s feeling, touch,…  my cousin, Robert, he absorbs info best through touching and feeling.
Kinesthetic,… moving of the body… remembering through muscle memory.

I realized only after discovery that there was such a thing as different learning styles, that I don’t absorb best by any specific single one.  I require a combination, and that if I do not understand it, I will not find relevance and cannot remember it.

So that being said, studying for me takes a lot more time, energy, effort, and creative manipulation on my behalf to conduct silly ways to get the information I needed to stick and be regurgitated in the right way on an exam that was requested by said-teacher.

I can’t recite, I cannot memorize, and that’s why I sucked at Geography and History is because I didn’t understand it,… and I couldn’t spit back out random numbers in the correct order to provide you with a date for something I didn’t understand.  I have always failed at any test that requires recitation of information like that.  I would get so angry at teachers who would require a specific word in order for an answer to be accurate and I would explain or ask if I could explain the answer (aka provide more info than you need that shows I know the information but cannot remember your encompassing word that you want me to remember-) and I would go into detail showing I clearly know more than the rest, and peers laughed and asked why I just didn’t take the easy route and just recite the word…. “it’s easy” Yeah, it isn’t so easy for me.  And truth be told, 20 years down the road, that memorized word you “learned” to recite for acing a test doesn’t mean shit for most… but I still remember what I understand. I can’t forget if I understand it, if that even makes sense.

So I make it a point to incorporate all, if possible, learning styles into every presentation or group I run. I switch it up from activities, to moving, muscle memory, using feeling and hands, listening, music, video, Art, references, lists, books, HOWEVER THEY NEED.

I know that there’s not a “right way” …. that’s so silly.

If you get there, and you understand it, is consistent, and works,… then it’s the right answer. I get so mad seeing teachers make students show their work in only one specific way or they fail…. well, if it’s not the way that makes sense to them, you’re just fucking them up in the head even more,… let them SHOW YOU the reason that they believe in and understand that gets them to the same solution as you are asking them to reach. Understand their way and maybe you can help through understanding that to change it in a way they understand to show your way too. Expecting someone to start off your way and understand on your level and require them to get somewhere without using their experiences and knowledge of how, you’re asking the impossible. Expecting anything less than someone to share what they know by their experience and knowledge they have in the way they were taught, if you judge or criticize it and label it as “wrong” from the get-go, you’ve failed every individual upon meeting them and are trying to get them to abandon everything they know and who they are because you’re telling them that they weren’t given the information in the “right way”….  and thus insulting generations of family and heroes you are ignorant of knowing, just in a quick and simple choice of poor verbiage. Shut down to being open to your lessons before you even wrote your name in chalk on the board.


**stepping off soapbox**

Bonnie grabbed the relevant information of my exploding flying chaotic experiences of the day and emotions everywhere, and complete loss of direction and in a quick snap of her fingers said, “Here’s a number. Call them and ask questions, but tell them about what you’ve experienced as symptoms. Call me back as soon as you do this.”

And all in one quick swoop, I called a number and spoke with a lady who was a part of a helpful organization offering free and accessible testing for COVID-19 for Mississippians and her job was to do a screening to determine if you qualify for testing…

So as I asked questions with the intent of gaining knowledge to pass along to my worried and fearful clients, family, friends, work-related mostly, … I was giving examples of myself and what symptoms I’ve had,… and how my allergies have been crazy and caused X, Y, Z, symptoms, which are common for me… but fever, I was informed must be 100.4 to be considered fever, “but I’ve consistently run 99.1-99.9 for over a week myself…so is low-grade still considered fever?”

Turns out my intention for gaining information wound up confirming that I just so happened to qualify for testing and was highly recommended to pursue this as a means to prevent spread of this pandemic—


I accidentally completed my own prescreening and confirmation for needing testing sooner than later all without intending to do anything but clarify specific things for the purpose of best protecting my clients, mostly, and being able to get them access to tools and resources they need based on the actual factors, not what I’d been told… “unless it’s this number it doesn’t count and you won’t qualify as at risk” — which is complete BULLSHIT, by the way. The 100.4. is a number that exists because they had to have one there…. it’s not low, but not overwhelmingly high, so it’s a safe noticeable medium…

Fever is still fever, low, high, medium,… if it’s above average by more than a few degrees, you’ve got a fever, man.


So I get a call on my way to work this morning, they are trying to schedule my free drive through test,… today.

Am I available…when?

Fuck. Shit. I’m driving to work- an hour from my residence, … you’re asking how far the commute from my to-be destination in the next 15 mins is from the destination in which is probably my closest bet, regardless, … and I have to figure this out while driving, and know if this is possible–

Look miss, I have to confirm and review all this with my boss, then I need to google the distance, I can’t answer your questions. “I will call you back in a few hours then if that will help.”

Damn.  Okay,… they’re really working with me and willing to help me out….

I ran into work, spewed the beans that I did a prescreen via telephone, I qualify, and it’s recommended I go get tested,….today.  Which means I’m leaving campus in an hour or so even though I literally just got here. And this all is happening and I didn’t intend for it to be something I’d meet criteria for, much less have an appointment scheduled, and REALLY didn’t expect a call back for same-day in under 12 hours from my initial innocent call.

I was leaving campus within the first hour of arriving.

And somehow or another I was headed to get tested for COVID-19 for free, because I had qualifying symptoms that were apparently much greater than I realized. I felt fine, for the most part…. I just wanted to help.  Turns out I first would have to help by going and testing myself. That makes sense. I didn’t know or I’d have done it all from the get-go and first symptom that I was misinformed as not being a symptom… and persistent- I will feel like a complete asshole if I have COVID-19, which I will hopefully know before Monday, if I’m lucky enough…

I was misinformed and instead of doing my own extensive research, I took in the information as factual as it was coming from a nurse,… I know a lot, but shit, that’s your degree man, I’m gonna shut up, sit down, and give you that wheel, because I truly am just one of those aggravating patients that you nurses know that already have a little bit of medical knowledge, mostly due to mother and father being nurse and doctor, but also medical terminology randomly is a college course I aced too…. but that’s about it… I’m no nurse, and I’m clueless regarding most medical stuff, especially if it’s inside me and I can’t see it. LOL.  I am not sure what is where outside of obvious and (for me) known bones, and pertinent organs like heart, lungs, kidneys, brain,… but ask me where my gallbladder or appendix is, and all I will do is start guessing, but have no clue as far as being certain whatsoever.

That being said, I thought I knew, I didn’t quite understand this logic, but I accepted it because I was informed that this was how it is, the rules are just what they are, and there’s no way around it according to the CDC.

“Offices won’t test unless….. ”
“No one’s gonna test unless….”

This is the sort of thing I was hearing, and honestly, didn’t even question it.  If my temp reads 99 or over, and is consistent, and you tell me maybe that’s just what is average for me, I’ll shrug, share that maybe it’s changed over time, and I’ll second guess and throw out any doubts of my own and buy into your theory, because again, I’m no doctor or nurse. I obviously don’t know what a fever is or isn’t, and either way I feel fine and don’t understand what I’m even supposed to be looking for as alarming or need to leave work sick?

And my confusion really started when I saw or heard clients being taken to the doctor for temperatures I had just had you record down on paper as my current temp. I’m so lost and confused. It has to be written wrong, or I was misinformed. I just knew I was missing a piece of the paper trail or something…


I should’ve done extensive research of my own and explored it all, but after two weeks boiling over into this overflowing concoction that’s bubbling over on the stove, making a mess of everything, and about to completely set fire to and burn down the entire kitchen…

I was so wrapped up in containing all of it without destroying everything around, or spilling, burning, or effecting in any negative way anything or anyone around me.

I’d numbed myself to any surprise curve balls when I happened to reach out to the man who claims to be in love with me and swears to never lie and always be open…. he’d shared about him going to treatment, but not for another 1 week… yay, awesome, cool, proud…. and I happened to randomly send a chance photo of a sticker he placed on my car, I happened to be pumping gas, and by pure random chance I snapped a photo of it and sent it to him, just because.

And the story changes… he’s now suddenly checking in, in the next 20 minutes now. He unloads his fears, worries, and desires to not exist if he cannot heal, and I provide encouragement, love, support, and assertive pushes with hope and excitement for his journey and effort.

And I respond to what information is presented, factual or lie, it doesn’t matter, and I’m not really ever going to know. So I hope it’s real and hope him the best, but I don’t really care anymore if it’s not true. If you prioritize something you make an effort and put that thing as important to give your focus to.

I haven’t been anything more than a pawn you might need to use one day, and that’s about it. I’m shown more each time an interaction occurs,… in over 4 months, not once has my life been inquired about or explored in any way, only exchange of conversations entail one individual sharing a current struggle, stress, resentment, success, goal, idea,… and feedback about your thing being given, and that’s the end of the exchange. I’m more like an automated therapist support response now. I offer feedback, but you don’t know anything about me. And I’ve learned a lot about all of this, about your true ulterior motives, and the black and white truth surrounding your true feelings or care for me or my wellbeing, nonexistent. I will say you’re pretty good at convincing though, and I don’t mind letting you fluff up the charm and pour into how you miss me and when you want to spend time together,… and the most I give back today is “I’d like that.” Iwould. It’s not real though. Nothing is real that is verbalized it’s all words and words are stories depending on what genre label is slapped on what you’re reading. I don’t care if you’re truthful or lying anymore, realistically I won’t know either way, and I will believe it is true when I see it happen. Until then, gab on. Surprised isn’t allowed though whenever that day comes that you realize I am not sitting in the boat beside you paddling us wherever you told me you wanted to be… You never noticed when I fell out miles up creek,… and I didn’t have the energy to climb back in to continue to paddle in a direction blindly because you insist it’s where we can finally be together.  You want “us” then come get us back, and otherwise, gran your own paddle and either make an effort to paddle upstream and search for what you lost, or decide it’s too much work and just continue to float your way until you can spot someone else to manipulate into doing your work for you.

The truth will emerge regardless in time. It already is. And I’m not surprised to see that my gut-instinct to hold back in the very beginning was to be trusted. And yet again my intuition tried to tell me that there was something behind the kind words, acts, and belief that I meant something to someone… it’s always an act. People aren’t like me, they just aren’t… I can convince myself every reason to believe otherwise and dive head first into hope and chance and willingly be vulnerable based on purely a guaranteed word of trust, and that’s enough in my book, a sacred bond.  People aren’t like me.  Words don’t mean anything today… and promises are just fancy words to plant explosives into and make them appear pretty and in good places held up by good people, but KA-BLAM! blowing up everything that had to be sacrificed in order to get what you wanted above all else. You used them to help you manipulate more people and tear down all standing in your way of being selfish and obtaining whatever you choose to prioritize for the moment/day.

Well, today I realized I didn’t need to reach out, and didn’t care to anymore. I care for your health and happiness, but realistically know you use me when you need me, and otherwise you don’t consider me or my needs or anything at all.

And I’m at peace with that.  I’ve always suspected it, but dropping my own pride and ego to have no need to confront holes in your stories, or get upset about another let down, or ask when I’ll see you, … and accept instead that I don’t know anything to be true, and every time I’ve believed in your words, I’m left letdown and it hurts. I accepted that nothing you say is real. And it won’t be until I see it myself. You create wonderful elaborate stories of this incredible life and experiences, but seriously, unless you believe you are genuine, humble, and honest and know in your heart this is truth, then I am sad for you. You will never find what you are searching for. You possess it. You always have.

I was never something valuable to you.

I was something useful in a specific time.  I accept that, as harsh as that is… you’re just someone who utilizes connections you make as pawns in a game and that is what you believe life is about, … making the right moves to best help you win.

Who are you playing against? And what is it that you win at the end? I’d be curious to know, maybe it makes sense and is a legit belief and reasoning. The end of the game if you win, what do you win? Who do you get to share the glory with? That’s all I want to know still, I guess. Otherwise, you do you sweets, I’m starting to finally do me. I am making my choices for me, and living each moment with open mindedness and exploration for adventure in my life again, I can’t wait to be rid of the pandemic as so threatening and be able to dive back into exploring minds of people and sharing ideas and finding people that are similar to myself. Hopefully ones who aren’t trying to play a one-sided game that destroys all the game pieces by the end and you’re left with nothing and no teammate to even discuss or reflect on it all with. That’s an awful thought, I hope it’s not true for anyone. Using people… I just don’t have that in my build I suppose. Not like willingly able to destroy someone who I know is loyal to me, loves me, and believes I do the same- that’s not something I am capable of. It’s just not. I genuinely care in the well-being of others… even those who intentionally used me and left me out alone to suffer and either find a way or die alone trying… I still care for and would give them my shirt off my back. Trust with my life? No.  Believe they’re there for me? Not at all. But I’m going to be a good person, no matter how bad the world tries to make me believe there is no such thing as good people. I still have a sliver of hope that that’s not true. People are good… they just lose that sometimes somewhere along the way.

So I accidentally confirmed my high probability need for being tested for COVID-19 with apparently legit symptoms that deserved immediate attention, and I ended up showing up to work this morning only to burst in and explain to my boss why I have accidentally set up a free test and why I am going to embrace this opportunity regardless of what is said because that’s my duty to my career, colleagues, clients I serve, and more importantly to the world and people who I may come into contact with and could potentially expose somehow.

So I arrive to work only to find out I need to leave within less than 2 hours… and I drive 2.5 hours to the site….. in Tunica.


Police, troopers, sheriffs at every possible entrance, or maybe it was really at every possible exit? Hmm..

Surrounded by troopers all in their running vehicles pointing me into the maze, or trap?

Only to then be met by the military in full uniform under tents in masks, this dude in gown over his camp and combat boots, 

The military put my kit together and placed it under my windshield wipers told me to roll up the window and I drove up to then the next station where I got tested… turn off ur car, roll the window down…

Make up your damn minds guys, what do you want?! 

Window up, drive less then 10 yards, window down. 

Do I kill the ignition bc they think I’m gonna like go crazy and rona-roid out and peel out or try and steal their test? I’m not sure

Window down, car off… the girl was literally in a full body white hazmat suit – wish I’d gotten a photo of her. 

Too scared to even think about sneaking a photo. 

I felt like this is a top secret military operation, I’m the alien and this is how it feels in Area 51 

She told me to relax and lean head back and told me this would last 15 seconds and hurt. She wasn’t lying. She jammed the long stick up my nostril to the point it felt like she had made my nose bleed- it hurt and my pain reaction had me tensing and she had to say relax, which was impossible, as she twisted the stick back and forth for the longest 15 seconds of my life. My left eye was pouring water involuntarily out the corner…

I hoped they’d upgraded like bigger places have and do mouth swabs now but noooope. I got a q-tip lobotomy.


Shit. That sucked.


Now I’m just kind of stuck here…. not supposed to go anywhere until I know something. Groceries-gone… Walmart curbside service, 5 days in advance booking available, nothing before,… Delivery options to my home, none available… Other Walmarts within an hour drive in any direction of me? Nothing sooner than 4-5 days in advance. Fuck man, I need food before then. Amazon, weeks away huh?…. Time to suit up I suppose and just pray I’m doing all I can to salvage for whatever scraps the rest of the vultures didn’t scavenge already… and pray that I’m not infected myself, and that I’m doing every possible precautionary thing to prevent hurting myself or others in any way regardless.


And with that, I bid the adieu. My sleep schedule is so screwed up.

Until next time.