Beyond Intuition

Sometimes I wonder why I’m living

Knowing all the great ones who died

Sometimes I wish I could control healing

Be able to turn on and off when I cry.

And lots of days I’m drowning in feelings

Weights tied to my ankles losing air

Fighting against water and swallowed

The worst part invisible oceans aren’t there.

As I sink lower my chest is now burning

I can’t breathe and I surely will drown

People walking all around and can’t see me

Being anchored and slipping further down

Imagine now being in my shoes

understanding that something is wrong

I must find out who is this feeling

Where this anchor belongs

As I’m drowning I know someone’s troubled

their boat is becoming unstable, lost at Sea

I must soon find them to return this anchor

it will save them but if not first kill me.

It’s so overwhelming to carry this burden

knowing you share someone’s hurting so deep

it’s useful you know who you’re searching

but I can’t always find whose tears I weep

Just yesterday I found myself drowning

can’t slip the chain this time it’s too tight

and so I close my eyes and embrace this

knowing everything ISN’T all right

Of all the boats I could find

no one was missing their anchors it seemed

the one boat I was certain was sinking

wouldn’t admit the capsize till I scream

A scream underwater is useless

so if I’m going to waste my last breath please hear me

released all left of my lungs to surrender

my last air, captured there,

Just a muffle swallowed up by the sea.

I knew that his ship soon would crumble

if not first carried to be lost in abyss

stinging lungs and my gasp inhales water

now here’s darkness that follows the mist.

Next thing I know I am at surface

as I watch your anchor settle the boat

my chest burns -I can’t see what happened

but know our connection is why we now float.

“I knew I was in trouble but had excepted my fate

I wasn’t willing to see another way-really what for?

Bubbles, they rocked back my attention,

I saw you there with my anchor

And decided I’d try this once more.”

You in the chaos alone and hurting

swallowed up and couldn’t see a way out

Down below also feeling that feeling

knowing we both drowned without one last shout

I too felt as if I was doomed to be swallowed

a few more minutes of panic

or give it up with a sliver of hope

my gut knew what to do

silent shout up to you

you unhung me when you grabbed back on that rope.

And so strange it does sound

that sometimes when you feel helpless, I drown

I can’t explain it anyway other

I’m connected even when I’m not around.

And the one thing you fight and fear then

is the one thing I need to be free

and what seems lost, your lifeline, you’ll find it,

don’t stop looking, is here drowning me

And here we are now both freed from our sealed fate

but do you understand now as we float on the sea?

if you accept you’re alone and there’s no hope

you lose both yourself and no one saved me.

Please embrace this weird thing I accept now

can’t explain it don’t understand why but it’s true

even if you still doubt it please never stop looking

because I’m doomed if you can’t see me too.