Sometimes I wonder why I’m living
Knowing all the great ones who died
Sometimes I wish I could control healing
Be able to turn on and off when I cry.
And lots of days I’m drowning in feelings
Weights tied to my ankles losing air
Fighting against water and swallowed
The worst part invisible oceans aren’t there.
As I sink lower my chest is now burning
I can’t breathe and I surely will drown
People walking all around and can’t see me
Being anchored and slipping further down
Imagine now being in my shoes
understanding that something is wrong
I must find out who is this feeling
Where this anchor belongs
As I’m drowning I know someone’s troubled
their boat is becoming unstable, lost at Sea
I must soon find them to return this anchor
it will save them but if not first kill me.
It’s so overwhelming to carry this burden
knowing you share someone’s hurting so deep
it’s useful you know who you’re searching
but I can’t always find whose tears I weep
Just yesterday I found myself drowning
can’t slip the chain this time it’s too tight
and so I close my eyes and embrace this
knowing everything ISN’T all right
Of all the boats I could find
no one was missing their anchors it seemed
the one boat I was certain was sinking
wouldn’t admit the capsize till I scream
A scream underwater is useless
so if I’m going to waste my last breath please hear me
released all left of my lungs to surrender
my last air, captured there,
Just a muffle swallowed up by the sea.
I knew that his ship soon would crumble
if not first carried to be lost in abyss
stinging lungs and my gasp inhales water
now here’s darkness that follows the mist.
Next thing I know I am at surface
as I watch your anchor settle the boat
my chest burns -I can’t see what happened
but know our connection is why we now float.
“I knew I was in trouble but had excepted my fate
I wasn’t willing to see another way-really what for?
Bubbles, they rocked back my attention,
I saw you there with my anchor
And decided I’d try this once more.”
You in the chaos alone and hurting
swallowed up and couldn’t see a way out
Down below also feeling that feeling
knowing we both drowned without one last shout
I too felt as if I was doomed to be swallowed
a few more minutes of panic
or give it up with a sliver of hope
my gut knew what to do
silent shout up to you
you unhung me when you grabbed back on that rope.
And so strange it does sound
that sometimes when you feel helpless, I drown
I can’t explain it anyway other
I’m connected even when I’m not around.
And the one thing you fight and fear then
is the one thing I need to be free
and what seems lost, your lifeline, you’ll find it,
don’t stop looking, is here drowning me
And here we are now both freed from our sealed fate
but do you understand now as we float on the sea?
if you accept you’re alone and there’s no hope
you lose both yourself and no one saved me.
Please embrace this weird thing I accept now
can’t explain it don’t understand why but it’s true
even if you still doubt it please never stop looking
because I’m doomed if you can’t see me too.