“How in the hell did that train derail so quickly?”

“What train?”

“The one we are sitting in.”

“Wait, when did I get on a train?”

“Are you really—do y— Are you okay?”

“I thought this was the DMV waiting room?”

………

“YOU NEED TO GET UP BECAUSE I WOULD RATHER NOT FIND OUT WHETHER OR NOT WE MIGHT BLOW UP,… HELL, OR RATHER I MIGHT BLOW UP,…MAYBE THAT’LL JUST REROUTE YOU TO CHINA OR SOMETHING COOL!”

—-A made up conversation and scenario of what it’s like to exist in my brain.  And now, for a real account:

 

“Step 3… add milk and topping sauce mix in separate bowl… “

Wait…… the “seasoning” and “topping” powders were two different things!? Haaaa Sorry to my special after-sauce, you are swimming in the boiling waters already too!

Well, no margarine, no milk, oh and I just threw some tenderloin pieces in there since also I have no ground meat to brown (which was step 1) . Also it’s all very out of order in following the step by step toddler friendly directions,…

…….ummm yeah.

Oh! I tossed in some red pepper flakes as a Why -the -Heck -Not!?-special finale…

**BAM**

Wait, what was this supposed to be again?

Excerpt from The Face Palm Diaries of a 33-Year Old Woman Who Just Can’t Quite Get It Right. (I gotta write this book into existing now!) 😂

>>>Sriracha for the “My body is about to hate me so much” finale topper! (My only other option was an empty lime juice bottle… and yes, I did try and squeeze it first) Sriracha seems like a good topping sauce? Always…. that river of fire will go nicely with all the flakes of lava I threw in there earlier. … Bob appetit! #ChefResa #TheGreatMysteryDish <<<<